2004 Entries
2003 Entries
2002 Entries

2008-01-01 - 11:47 a.m.

Asinine Commercials of 2007

We�ve stepped (or stumbled or staggered) into another new year, and already we�re hearing about all the upcoming awards programs honoring the achievements of 2007. Today I�m getting a jump on Oscar and Emmy and Grammy and Pulitzer and MTV by announcing a list of damn stupid commercials some mega dollar advertising firm has popped (every 15 minutes) into my television programs�some of which are also pretty damn stupid!

Top Ten Categories and Winners

The Maturity Award goes to J.G. Wentworth for encouraging people to hang out their windows and scream: �It�s my money and I want it NOW!�

Sharing the Heads Up Award this year are Viagra, Cialis and Enzyte. Stand up guys and accept your award: The Ultimate Shaft.

Charmin once again takes The Clean Up Award. There�s nothing like watching red and blue bears quarrel over how many little white squares it�ll take to clean up their bare behinds.

Multiple winners share The Clean Out Award. Blow it out for Benefiber, Metamucil and FiberChoice.

The debut of the Pocket Rocket and the Rotating Rabbit Vibrator brought victory to adamevetoys.com. Those wascally wabbits win the kinky Banned in Boston Award!

The Love On Line honor goes to chemistry.com. Anyone rejected by eharmony.com and Dr. Snake Oil Sales deserves an award.

The Family Award goes to Hamburger Helper. One pan, one happy family. A close runner up in this category was Tony Sinclair and Tanqueray Gin!

A bunch of wimpy geeks smacking one another around over the best choice of cell phone service wins The Dumb Dudes Award.

The Dehumanizing Award goes to VISA. Now we all know better than to clog up lines at a fast food store by paying with cash.

Pace Foods is the winner of The Ooops (or Oh, Shit!) Award. Although the spokesperson proudly announces Pace has made quality salsa since 1947, the corresponding written statement on my television screen states Pace has been cooking up salsa since 1917.

Yearly, businesses dump more than $200 billion into marketing. That�s a helluva chunk of change just to treat viewers like blithering idiots. But, I�ve watched the above ad campaigns repeatedly, so I guess I qualify as a blithering idiot! I need to make some changes in my life in the upcoming year.

Previous -- Next