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2002-04-12 - 6:10 p.m.

I think we may’ve come round the bend this past week and broken old man winter’s hold on us. But, typical of April in northern Missouri, it’s windy as hell, and I get irritable and jumpy as a bug in a hot skillet when it’s windy.

The Brew Crew can confirm my orneriness when it’s windy. Anchoring and tying off a boat in the wind is tricky, and I get quarrelsome and fidgety. Of course, I do a lot of talking to both the drifting boat and the inadequate anchor. Yet, no matter how much I cuss and stomp, the anchor continues to skid along the bottom, never catching, and the boat goes on drifting. The barbecue grill never wants to ignite and burn, and docking the boat is challenging. And I go on throwing my wind-induced temper tantrum.

I like sitting on my porch, but sometimes the wind howling over the little hill to the west nearly knocks me out of my rocker. And it flips the pages of my book, making reading a real chore. It’s impossible to spread grass seed in bare spots or fertilize the lawn, the wind just blows it all back in my face. Oh yeah, I talk to the wind, too.

Although the Cherokee isn’t really one of those high whatsit vehicles recommended to stay off the Golden Gate Bridge during a high wind, it still takes its share of buffeting on a windy day. And it takes more concentration and energy to drive in the wind, unless it’s a tail wind, then I can make better time. I had to make a long drive today--in a wind, and not a tail-wind--and I was cranky and jittery the entire trip.

Maybe I have Serotonin Irritation Syndrome (SIS--oh gawd, the word I hate!).

SIS (phewy) is a little disorder supposedly caused when those nasty little positive ions in the air raise levels of serotonins--some kind of hormone responsible for sending clear and accurate messages throughout our brain. All those positively charged molecules are caused by hot, dry winds, and--or so the story goes--the winds make us act weird and feel poorly. Hm, since the syndrome requires a functioning brain and clear messages, two things I sometimes lack, maybe I don’t suffer from it!

The Alpine Foehn, a wind blowing across Switzerland and southern Germany, the Chinook, blowing through the Rocky Mountains, and the Santa Ana, warm, dry winds blowing across southern California, have been blamed for everything from dizziness and nausea to stress, anxiety, violent crime and road accidents. Whether true or not, the 1965 Watt’s Riots did occur during a long siege of Santa Ana winds. A few doctors have considered the winds effect on people serious enough to postpone surgeries, and even some judges take this into consideration when sentencing. Some folks over in Switzerland claim problems arising from wind include: headaches, asthma and slower reaction times.

Biometeorology is an honest to gawd study. It’s an interdisciplinary study, people in meteorology, psychology and--I suppose--climatology--looking at the correlations between weather and its effect on human (and animal) behavior. These birds even have an International Society, and--hey hey, we’re lucky in Missouri--their 2002 conference is in Kansas City. Whoopppeee.

And, don’t laugh, one of these days on The Weather Channel or our local radio and television weather forecasts we’re gonna be told what all kinds of oddball behaviors we can expect with the upcoming weather. We already get reports on high UV indexes, smog indicators and allergy forecasts. One day soon we’ll hear the winds are expected to be high, so look out for irritation, exhaustion, listlessness and road rage. This is already happening in Germany. Biomet has been integrated into their weather forecasts and are part of the daily news.

I am tired tonight, but I seriously doubt if it’s the wind’s fault. Probably too much week and too long a day. Maybe a walk around the lake with BlueDoggy will remedy the draggin body. I just hope we get a tail-wind.

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