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2003-12-12 - 9:51 p.m.
A Day With Sainted One
I don’t know if I should laugh or cry or run for the hills! I’m laughing because my mother cracks me up. I should cry only because I’ve been so lucky in life and one day my luck is going to run out. I should run for the hills because she will hunt me down and haunt me some day. Sainted One and I drove to Columbia to Women’s Health (90 miles one way) to have our little bitty titties tested. And we left early. Very early. Had to do that so we could grace Hardee’s and have breakfast. Who, after all, needs to sleep when we can meet up with all our friends at the fast food joint at six a.m.!? We’ve spent a lifetime sleeping, don’t you know. Time to get out there and live. What’ve we got waiting for us home in bed? Well, okay, she’s right about that! But sleep? Hmmmmmm!! Sweet Jesus!! I think this will be random snippets of conversation--or singing and dancing—with Sainted One. Why can I never remember the camera—or mini-cassette player--when I need it? - Did you get enough to eat? You ate like you haven’t eaten in a week. You eating okay? Well, you must be, you’re getting fat. Are you starting your diet after Christmas? You might want to start before Christmas!
- Look! A rainbow! Ohmygawd! A rainbow in December. See over there. That’s the end of it. Look over there. It’s something special.
- This car rides nice. You have this paid for?
- Answer me! Can you pay for this car?
- Billee Jean?????
- I wouldn’t take a mouse to get fixed at that place you bought your last piece a junk car. This one a piecea junk, too? You know anything about buying cars?
- Is that a CD case?
- Do you have a George Jones thing in there? I love George Jones. He’s the Number One biggest seller. Did you know that? You didn’t, didn’t you? You probably still listen to those Beetle people! They’re weird!
- I’d love to see Wayne Newton in concert. Think Connie would go to Banson with me to see him? You can go, too, but you don’t want to. Connie and I’ll go. Go online and get us tickets! You can drive us down there, then you can go back to the motel. We’ll call you when we’re ready to come back. We could go to Las Vegas and see him if he’s sold out in Banson!
- This breast exam didn’t hurt a bit, did it! Well, I guess I’m tougher than you. Didn’t bother me. Why are you whining and holding on to yourself? Stop that. Let’s go.
- Where’s the Mall? Are we going to Target?
- My Gawd! Is this SAMS’s? I don’t think I’ve been here. This is big stuff!! Why, Billee Jean, what would I do with 25 pounds of macaroni? I don’t think I need to shop here. Oh wait!
- I’m gonna buy that 36-bag box of popcorn. Emma will love it when she comes over.
- YOU OLD BASTARD!!!!!!!!! He about backed into us, Billee Jean! You just gotta watch ever minute with old people. They probably shouldn’t be driving.
- Have you ever noticed how a farm house in the winter looks so lonely and cold?
- Do you ever talk? Don’t you ever say anything? Are you anti-people?
- You have any Elvis in this thing?
- Is it okay to dance in this car? Are you sure you can afford this car?
- “Pretty woman….ohhhhhhh, I think I wanted Roy Orbison. Not Elvis. Sorry. These people passing us won’t think you have a crazy old woman in the car, will they?”
Never, Mom. Never!
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