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2004-12-18 - 1103389475

Good Will Toward Men…All Men!

(Or: Jesus Christ, Mother!

Sainted One pulled a gem dandy yesterday!

She’s known for her spirited and feisty nature, and I’m often told by others how they are continually amazed at her youthful approach to life. Although she will say she’s 84 years old, she refuses to be anything older than 50-something, and she sometimes pulls shenanigans that are hilarious, albeit frustrating.

Yesterday she outdid her record for mischief—or just plain not thinking when she opened her mouth!

Diva and I and Sainted One were to spend the day in Columbia. We each had an early morning mammogram appointment, then diva and I were to talk with the science curriculum director at the Columbia School District. I had a 3:00 p.m. hair cut. Gadding about town would fill the remainder of the day and we’d conclude the trip with dinner out.

Sainted One spends every morning at McDonald’s having coffee with her friends, and a road trip doesn’t change that scheduled morning ritual. She just drags everyone with her to McDonald’s before we leave on our road trips! Friday morning was no different. We set about eating our biscuits—she goes about telling everyone she’s off for a day of fun in Columbia, and all goes well. I stop off for a last chance break before we begin the drive, then meet diva and Sainted One at the car. And find all did not go well!

I had an additional, unexpected passenger in the backseat with Sainted One. Bob or John or Everett or Jim or Claude. Yeah, Bob. He was Bob. Bob the truck driver! And Bob was going with us to spend the day in Columbia! I stared at my mother gape jawed! I was speechless. Diva was trying desperately not to completely lose it, and Sainted One and Bob were grinning like two kids in anticipation of a great adventure! It seems her friend Bob had completed his day’s chores and thought a day out sounded good, so Sainted One invited him to join us and loaded him up in the car.

And so it goes—I had acquired an old man for the day.

Bob didn’t stay in the car at Women’s Health. No, Bob went with us into the waiting room and chatted with all the other clients for the hour we were there. Later, when we complained of the righteous indignation of a mammogram, he informed us he could’ve helped “get ya ladies ready for the mashin!” Bob and Sainted One did remain in the car while diva and I did our school business, but Bob trooped along through Target, women’s wear shops and Dillard’s Department store at the Mall. And he gleefully checked out all the doo-dads at Hobby Lobby with diva and helped me calculate the savings by buying my dog food at Sam’s Club.

Later, in the restroom at the restaurant and out of Bob’s hearing, diva grabbed me by the throat and demanded to know: “Is your damned mother trying to set me up—or set YOU up—with that old man?”

I couldn’t answer her—I was still speechless!

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